Why Sexual Intimacy May Be a Hurdle
It is unusual, but sometimes ovarian cancer surgery requires removal of the entire rectum and a permanent colostomy. This may produce a completely different sensation during vaginal penetration. Lack of cushioning from the colon and rectum may cause discomfort. Intimacy, though, can continue if you're willing to experiment in finding other ways to make you feel comfortable during sex. Sometimes cancer surgery requires part of the vagina to be removed and/or rebuilt. That may or may not also be comfortable for vaginal penetration, depending upon how much scar forms. This is not the time to think "standard." Learn, experiment. We won't go in to the details, but vaginal penetration is certainly not the only way to climax or gratify.With either a temporary or permanent ostomy, certain aspects of sex may change. You may find that some sexual positions put pressure on your ostomy and are uncomfortable. Experiment with new positions, such as lying on your side, rear entry, whatever works. This is sex, and you want to take it back and get to a level of excitement that works!
People with ostomies who don't have partners often worry about when to tell new boyfriends or girlfriends about their ostomies. That's up to you. Some people feel more comfortable getting it out in the open right away; others want to get to know and trust a potential partner first. Do what feels right for you. Life is not always fair, and you will have to size up your partner as much as possible. Know that rejection is possible, and give new partners time to consider what an ostomy means to your relationship. Answer questions openly and honestly, but know that sexual satisfaction is still within your reach.
How to Make the Moment Right
If you feel less attractive with your ostomy, take your return to intimacy slowly. Maybe you aren't ready to have sex right away. Discuss this with your partner. Suggest starting with touching and kissing. If you are in a long-term loving relationship, your partner can help make you feel more comfortable and reassure you that you are just as attractive with an ostomy. It is up to you, though, to optimize this by what you wear and what you do. You will have to double your efforts if you are not in a long-term relationship, but it is certainly very possible for you to succeed as well.Take steps before sex or intimacy to make you feel more confident. Obviously, empty and clean your ostomy pouch or bag. Check the seal to make sure it's tight. Use an opaque pouch or try a pouch cover. Talk to your ostomy nurse or your doctor. Some ostomies, mainly colostomies, can be "trained" to produce hard stool when you are ready. Diet can also make a very big difference along those lines. Lingerie and cummerbunds made to conceal a pouch or hold it in place are available from specialty stores. Ask your ostomy nurse about companies that sell these products. If they don't know, find another ostomy nurse or doctor ... or look on the Internet. One of the advantages of the web is that you can "shop around" in total privacy.
Overall, in ovarian cancer, the chances are that your ostomy is temporary and will be reversed or surgically eliminated within three to six months. While you are waiting for this, the above suggestions can help you get through this quality of life barrier, and if you are in a stable relationship, it can even strengthen it.
